Tips to ensure your kids are staying safe in the Cyber-World…

By Lynette Owens, founder and director of outreach for Trend Micro’s Internet Safety for Kids and Families program

As this holiday season officially kicks off, shopping is in full force for most of us parents. This is the right time to ask ourselves, “Are my kids ready for the latest tech toys that they will undoubtedly be asking for this year?” While most kids know the fun side of tech toys, they are not always aware of the responsibilities and risks associated with them.

As a high-tech mom of two and the head of Trend Micro’s Internet Safety for Kids & Families program, I’ve put together some tips to help you make sure your kids are using these tech toys wisely and safely. Along with their new technical abilities, we need to teach them how to be responsible, gadget-owning citizens.

Some ways to approach the basic question, “are they ready?”

If your kid wants a cell phone or a smartphone, consider this:

• Determine first what they will use it for and when, where and with whom. If this is their first phone, it might be best to limit calls to you as parents, only. There are phones that are designed only to call select numbers – mom and dad buttons but nobody else.

• For older kids who want more freedom, think about whether you want them to receive and make calls to anyone they want. One way to limit open access it to consider family plans that offer number limits.

• Ask yourself honestly, “do your kids need Internet access or text messaging on their phone?” These extras can not only be costly, but can also open up opportunities to come across things they may not be ready for online. Consider phone plans that exclude or limit these offerings.

• If you allow your kids to have Internet access on their phone, consider adding a filtering service that blocks inappropriate content.

• Many phones have cameras. While fun to have, there are risks. Talk to your kid about what is and isn’t appropriate when using their camera phone. Let them know that if they take pictures they’d be embarrassed to show you or their teachers, then the pictures should NOT be taken. Inform them that some pictures could even be illegal (child pornography is a felony, after all). Also, be sure to tell them that if they receive inappropriate images on their phone, they should tell you immediately so you can report it to other parents or teachers, depending on the situation.

If your kid wants a video game console, remember:

• Keep it in a common area where you can supervise what is on the screen and set usage time limits.

• Be sure to check recommended age-ratings on the box as a guide to whether a child, kid or teen should be playing certain games. Like movies, video games have age-ratings. Also, the consoles have settings to prevent age-inappropriate games on the device, so be sure to take advantage of those and turn them on!

• If the game consoles in your home can connect to the Internet, consider either blocking Internet access, or turn on the filtering setting.

• If your kids are into social networking gaming, again keep it where you can see it. Let your child or teen know that while their use of it is harmless, other players can lie about who they are, their age, gender and where they live. Therefore, you need to remind them to NEVER to meet a stranger in person.

If your kid wants a new computer or any other gadget that connects to the Internet, some tips to remember:

• If you allow your kids to get online, supervise their online time. Keep the PC, gaming device, or mobile device in a place where you can check in on them and set limits on their time online.

• Get to know the sites your kids are using or want to use on the Internet. If they are old enough to be using it, ask yourself who else might be using the site.

• Some sites require registration, which requires personal information. Therefore, it is important to know what the sites your kids are visiting and what each site’s security and privacy policies are.

• The rules for being a good citizen offline also apply online: Talk to your kids about treating people with respect and the importance of keeping private information private. Remind them not to talk to strangers and that they should always report any odd or suspicious behavior to you, whether online or offline. I’ve found that a great way for us as parents to teach our kids safe online habits is to model these habits ourselves as an example to our children.
  Some of the most reputable security software can help block websites based on kids ages. However, even with filters, kids may still innocently click on or download something they never intended to, such as a virus or spyware. Bottom line: use security software and keep it up-to-date.

Most important, stay involved and stay educated!

Internet safety topics and issues change with new websites and new laws. New issues will continue to grow as new technologies arrive and as kids grow up. Making Internet safety a priority for the family means being an active participant in it.

About The Author

Lynette T. Owens is Director of Corporate Outreach for Trend Micro’s Internet Safety for Kids and Families (ISKF) program. Lynette founded the ISKF program to help deliver on the company’s vision of making a world safe for the exchange of digital information. Ms. Owens is the author of Trend Micro’s ISKF blog, which covers several topics related to Internet safety for kids and families, and is a strong advocate for youth and the importance of their role in helping to educate as much as be educated. In early 2010, she helped launch the company’s first annual Internet safety video competition, named “What’s Your Story?”, showcasing the voice of youth on a wide-range of topics related to their internet safety.

Lynette spends most her time helping to raise awareness and educate the public on the issues of internet safety for kids, recruiting employee volunteers to get involved or volunteering her own time in her community. She devotes the rest of the time to her own kids and husband, and with any remaining minutes, loves to travel with her husband, discover new music, and spend time with friends and family around the world.

In a society that claims that we are “all created equal,” some folks have a hard time with differences, especially when others seem naturally better or better off than they are. There is a tendency to put down people who stand out in a crowd, achieve more, and are rewarded more-a desire to “bring the stars back down to earth” as it were. In Australia there is an expression for this practice: “cutting down the tall poppies.”

Children who are gifted and talented have to deal with poppy-cutters early in life. During middle school in particular, kids desperately want to feel ‘normal.’ They want to feel like they belong, and being different, smarter, or better in any way can feel to them like a disadvantage. Jeffrey did not want to boast about his high grades and he actually hid them from his friends. “It’s not cool to be really smart,” said Suzanna, “especially for girls.” She added, “but I don’t care,” with a tone of resignation about the anti-intellectual attitudes she had to battle every day.

It’s a sad situation when kids (or adults) are made to feel ashamed of their gifts. Discover how your child feels about being different, or about being around people who are different from him. Encourage him to feel secure about his differences. Teach him to separate cultural messages from his own self-worth.

Here are some strategies for protecting self-esteem that you can use and teach to your kids:

• Inquire. If someone insults you, ask “Is something wrong?” or “What do you mean by that?” This puts the responsibility back on the insult-giver and gives them the opportunity to express and clarify themselves.

• Confront. No one needs to “grin and bear it” or be martyr. If a put-down hurts, simply say, “Ouch,” and stand your ground. Letting the insult-giver know you have feelings might make him or her think twice about being mean.

• Withdraw. We don’t want to be around people who are nasty or cruel. It’s smart to get out of harm’s way; it might even save your life. But don’t get in the habit of running away from your problems.

• Consider the Source. Some people seem to wallow in negativity. Let them express whatever emotions they choose, remembering that those opinions have little or nothing to do with you.

• Don’t take it personally. People cut poppies to make themselves feel better, or at least better than you. Instead of reacting, you might try to figure out what’s underneath the barb. The put-down may have absolutely nothing to do with you!

• Humor. Many bright people have discovered that making others laugh is a good way to win them over. It’s also a wonderful skill for defusing tension. When teased about her coke-bottle glasses, for example, Helen would cheerfully reply, “Well, four eyes are better than none!” It always helps to think of a comeback before you need it so you don’t feel put on the spot.

• Make a Neutral Remark. When they finish their hurtful comment say, “Oh,” or “I see,” and leave it at that.

• Disagree. If someone called you a green kangaroo, would it hurt your feelings? Of course not, because you know that it isn’t true. What others say about you is just their opinion. You know the truth about yourself.

• Sift Through. There may be a grain of truth in what they’re saying, but they haven’t learned how to tactfully give you helpful feedback. For example, if someone calls you “slow poke,” explore that some more. You might actually need to speed things up a bit.

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If an insult gets to you, don’t dwell on it. Try the following:

• Talk to a Friend. Find someone who is a good listener. Talking about it can help you think it through; it can also help you get perspective and release negative feelings. That’s one reason people go to counselors and therapists.

• Use Positive Self-Talk. Repeat this phrase to yourself over and over: “No matter what you say or do to me, I am a worthwhile person.”

• Give Yourself a Hug. Give one to your child. Hugs are great for a send-off in the morning, a welcome home later on, or an affectionate goodnight ritual. Life goes better with hugs! Use your imagination to support yourself:

• Wear a Shield. Imagine yourself wrapped in an invisible bubble of protection or white light. Negativity that comes your way will bounce right off.

• “Wax Your Back.” Each morning, pretend to coat yourself with wax or Teflon so insults and negativity slide off you like water off a duck’s back.

• Talismans. A piece of jewelry or a “lucky” garment that has special meaning to you can be a source of personal strength and power. (Super heroes do this all the time.)

• Permission to Be Different. Teach your kids that there is no one like them in the whole world. They are unique and they should be proud of that. This attitude can help them deal with pressure to conform. Give them permission to be who they really are.

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Try these strategies and come up with new ones to protect self-esteem. You can even combine strategies. You don’t have to put up with put-downs. Practice the strategies with your children.

Above all else, increase the number of positive interactions you have, as well as the number of supportive people with whom you surround yourself. Bolster your self-esteem and self-worth on a daily basis. Just as enhancing the immune system can increase health and protect you from illness, enhancing self-esteem can increase well-being and protect you from social problems.

If all kids and parents could discover their abilities and find ways to express their gifts, the whole poppy field might stand a little taller and be more beautiful than ever!

Sign up for her free Positive Parenting Newsletter at http://www.drlouisehart.com.

Louise Hart is a community educator, and author of two books. The Winning Family and On the Wings of Self-Esteem have been translated into half a dozen languages. A professional speaker, she currently teaches Positive Psychology as it applies to parenting. Dr. Hart has a Doctorate of Education in Community Psychology, which deals with the relationships of the individual to family, communities and the wider society.

Copyright 2010 Dr. Louise Hart is a Community Psychologist, author, and Grandmother.

Sign up for her free Positive Parenting Newsletter at http://www.drlouisehart.com.

Louise Hart is a community educator, and author of two books. The Winning Family and On the Wings of Self-Esteem have been translated into half a dozen languages. A professional speaker, she currently teaches Positive Psychology as it applies to parenting. Dr. Hart has a Doctorate of Education in Community Psychology, which deals with the relationships of the individual to family, communities and the wider society.

Copyright 2010 Dr. Louise Hart is a Community Psychologist, author, and Grandmother.

by 

Michael L. Bishop, M.B.A., Ph.D.

Executive Director, Wellspring

Studies show nearly 90% of overweight teens become obese adults, bringing a heightened risk of medical, social, emotional, and financial complications. If your child has a weight issue, you may have already noticed the emotional impact: lower self-esteem, little motivation, social isolation, perhaps behavioral issues in school or at home. Studies have shown that overweight children are less likely to attend or graduate from college, and more likely to occupy a lower socioeconomic status as adults.

As Executive Director at Wellspring, the leading provider of effective, scientifically based treatment for obese and overweight adolescents and young adults, I can personally attest to the level of resistance some parents feel when it comes to discussing a weight issues with their child. Parents feel that their child will become defensive and that broaching the subject will only cause a divide in an already stressed relationship.

In these situations, it’s the role of the parent to make the right decision for the child’s health. We advise parents to sit down with their child and explain the decision:

“Honey, I care about you so much. Nothing is more important to me than your health, and that’s why we’ve made the decision to seek treatment for your weight.”

In nearly 100% of these cases, once child begins treatment in an emotionally-safe environment where they are not being judged based on their weight, the resistance or reluctance lessens and eventually disappears.

A parallel can be made with another serious health problem such as cancer. If your child had cancer, would getting treatment be up for discussion or would you insist they are treated with the most advanced methods available?

A recent study by The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) confirms that obesity can shorten life spans on average by up to 20 years, depending on factors such as gender, age and race. In fact the Centers for Disease Control now lists obesity as paralleling smoking as the number 1 cause of preventable death in the United States. Certainly if you child decided to light up a cigarette in your living room this would not be up for discussion. Being obese while living in your home under your care should not be up for discussion either.

Parents today need to be proactive about their child’s health both at school and at home. You can teach your children healthy lifestyle skills utilizing these two basic concepts: 1) reduce your caloric intake and 2) increase your daily physical activity.

Wellspring recommends 10,000 steps each day using a pedometer to track your activity. Pedometers are inexpensive, and this is an easily calculated and measurable goal. Using a pedometer the entire family can participate in many different sports and activities in order to reach your daily goal of 10,000 steps.

Activities can include a daily walk around the neighborhood after school or work, walking the dog in the morning, a family game of basketball or baseball, or even just throwing a ball back and forth in the front yard. Anything a family can do together that requires taking steps can be beneficial. The important thing is that activity is tracked and that 10,000 steps are completed each day, even when you don’t feel like it.

Parents can role model healthy lifestyles for their children by involving them with each step of the food preparation process. For example, parents can involve their children in planning healthy, well balanced meals. Going to the grocery store with your child can be an educational opportunity if you ask your child to read the food labels and choose foods with the lowest level of calories and fat. Avoiding impulse buys and sticking to planned meals can role model self control and the importance of a low calorie, low fat lifestyle for your kids.

If simple changes like taking 10,000 steps per day or making healthier food choices are not resulting in noticeable improvement, you should consider more intensive, effective, scientifically based programs depending on degree of need: a weight loss camp for moderate need or weight loss academies for greater needs for changes. At these specialized programs adolescents and teens learn how to control their weight in a supportive, nurturing atmosphere.

About The Author

Dr. Bishop is Executive Director of Wellspring, the leading provider of effective, scientifically based treatment for obese and overweight adolescents and young adults. Mike is a licensed psychologist specializing in behavioral change who has lost approximately 100 lbs on the Wellspring Plan.

by Marsha Finkelstein

As parents you want the best for your kids… the best schools, the best friends, the best opportunities. But, parents often forget what’s in the middle of all that effort – a young person trying to figure out who they are, how they’re going to fit in and what choices they should make.

The good news is that as a parent you’re the key player in guiding your child towards success. The more difficult news is that there are often obstacles along the way and they usually occur during the tween and teen years. This is the time to prepare yourself for parenting a drastically changing person. What might come across as attitude or rebelliousness might actually be a reaction to a parenting style that is often more effective with much younger children. Many experts in the field of youth development, including Dr. Richard Lerner, author of “The Good Teen”, Barbara McRae, author of “Coach Your Teen to Success” and Diana Haskins, author of “Parent as Coach” agree that a positive and more engaged approach is most effective when parenting teens.

The old adage “It’s not what you say, it’s what you do” is a perfect reminder of the importance of both spoken and unspoken communication. Today’s teens juggle endless priorities AND distractions – sports, academics, cell phones, instant messaging, texting, email, internet, social networking, etc. It’s now, more than ever, a necessity for parents to master the ins and outs of communicating with their “plugged in” child.

When it comes to effective communication, paying attention both to what your child tells you and what they “say” in their body language is imperative. If, for example, you’re having dinner with your son or daughter and they have their arms crossed and eyes averted, they’re telling you they don’t want to talk and need time to themselves. Paying closer attention allows parents to more successfully read their teen’s emotional state. Your teen won’t be aware you’re doing this, and I promise I won’t tell.

At the same time, make your communication clear and to the point. Given that many teens won’t listen for long, this will save tons of time and energy. You may need to repeat the message in different ways to get the point across, as your child’s brain may not have developed enough to process what you feel like you keep saying over and over. Knowing this gives you a break from wondering why they don’t seem to listen.

Current research on teen brain development supports what parents have experienced for years. The good news is that the more you can educate yourself about your teen’s brain development and functioning, the easier it’ll be to deal with the typical responses (emotional outbursts, risky behaviors, poor judgment around decision-making, etc.) that come with raising a teen.

So, take some time and practice being an effective communicator. Here are some tips:

• Active Listening – Don’t interrupt – be open to what they have to say, and reflect back to your child what you heard.

• Get to the Point – You may only have 30 seconds to get your point across so use your time wisely, because your teen may not be interested in a long speech.

• Body Language – Pay attention to your body language and keep it open. Arms down, relax your face and body. If you have tension, take a deep breathe.

• Use Technology – Find ways to use your teen’s communication style. Texting and instant messaging can be a great way to stay in touch.

• Communicate Like a Coach (a life coach that is…) – use opened ended questions/statements like “Tell me more about…”, “What was that like?”, “How did that make you feel?”, etc. You’ll be delighted at the responses you get.

• Ask their Opinion – this tells your teen you care about what they think and their opinion has value. And, what teen doesn’t want to feel valued.

• Hold off on Quick Fixes – If your teen’s upset about something, don’t try to fix the problem before you know more. They may not want to talk about it or might need time to sort things out. What you can do is say something like “You seem upset. If you need me, I’m in the other room watching TV.” That tells them your concerned, but also lets them know you aren’t intruding. Chances are, if it’s serious, they’re likely to come back later and talk to you about it.

So now that you have some tips to try out, and you know you’re not crazy, but your child’s behavior is, at least to some degree, on a physiological level, you can take a moment to breathe a sign of relief. And, perhaps find a way to have more fun with your teen? Hey, anything’s possible, right?

About the Author

Marsha Finkelstein is a parent educator, life coach, writer and founder of Moving Beyond Coaching, a company whose mission is to help families support children so that they can grow into successful, happy and healthy adults. For more information, visit the website at www.movingbeyondcoaching.com.